Thoughts that run through my mind

Like every little girl, I always wanted to be the beautiful princess that every prince wanted. Even though I'm older now, I still want that (minus the princess and prince part). I'm not sure if it's just me being to self-conscious or what, but I've never seen myself as pretty,beautiful,hott, etc. Since I have yet to encounter a guy who isn't desperate this summer my self-esteem has hit an all time low. Don't get me wrong I've had fun, but at the same time I would like to settle into a nice relationship now. I'm tired of only being a friend with benefits type of thing. This might mean me taking a risk on my part considering I hate first dates since they seem SOOO awkward to me. Ugh....is it too much to ask to find a nice guy who would want to be in a relationship for a few months? If so then I guess I'm shit out of luck.....