It's easier to feel everything than it is to feel nothing. The hardest part about feeling is allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to get hurt. This is something that I have been struggling with everyday. But I honestly can say that I am able to feel more now than I was able to last week. It might not be the best to cry everyday or to sleep all day, but it has helped me to get past certain obstacles in order to be more connected and trusting to myself. Also, those late night conversations with LJ have been helping me too. I know things between us won't carry on into the summer, but being able to talk to him about everything and anything has really helped me to realize who I am and what I want. It's really hard to keep telling myself that things with LJ are going to be over soon and that there's a huge possibility that they won't pick back up next year, considering I feel like we're getting closer as people.
It's confusing too how when I tell him that I don't want to be just another girl on a list of girls he says that I'm not ever going to be on that list. I don't know if he's telling the truth or if he's just saying that to get what he wants. We'll all have to wait and see.
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