Letter to God

I'm usually not as religious as this, but this time of the year gets exceptionally hard. I have no choice but to turn to a higher power. I know it's only the month of February, but this time 9 years ago I lost someone very close to me. Actually I lost two people, my grandparents. February 9, 2001 was my grandfather. He always said that he would die first because he couldn't live without my grandmother. The love he had for her is the type of love I want in my life. March 9, 2001 my grandmother passed. Exactly 31 days at almost the exact same time of day as my grandfather. She had lost her battle with cancer, but the strength she showed during that time is the type that I can only hope to achieve. This is a letter that I have written recently to express the grief I've been feeling. It might seem a little kindergarten, but it helped me through this.

Dear God,

I usually don't question Your decisions, but this is one that I have always wondered about. Why did You have to take away two of the most amazing people I have ever met when I was young? They were the support that I needed when I couldn't turn to my parents. They were the glue that held our family together, and since they've been gone the family has been getting more distant from each other. It caused everyone, who lost them, such pain. I was only 10 when they returned to You, and I still feel the pain I felt the day they were taken. I know that they are always with me and watching over me, the proof is all over me (angel kisses).

I realize how blessed I am to have had them in my life, but I can't help but to wonder what life would be like if they were still here. It might be selfish of me to say this but I would love to spend just one more day with them. Just to see their face, feel their touch, hear their voices, and most importantly feel their love. Sometimes when I'm in the studio, during a class, I can feel them there with me. I can feel how proud they are of me and how much they love me. At the end of class, or even the combination, that feeling just disappears. It saddens me greatly and I long for that feeling to come back. I guess I will achieve that feeling more consistently if I keep finding, no, creating myself into the person that they have always seen in me.

I guess what I'm asking for is Your guidance and help in overcoming the hurt that I have felt more recently. I know that Your decisions are always to make us stronger people, but I've been feeling so low lately that I need that extra support that only You can give.

Please show me the right direction to go.